My parents, my sister, and I had just driven from our old apartment to the new house with all our stuff. The house was brand new and it seemed huge. I knew that we used to live in a house back in England, but I couldn't remember it at all. I could only remember our apartment that we had just moved from.
As soon as the car pulled up, I ran into the house, not realizing I needed a key to get in. My mom walked up soon behind me, opening the door. My dad and my sister were moving boxes into the house with all of our things. I probably should have helped, but I was too excited. I ran all around the house. It smelled of newness, fresh and welcoming. I ran around the kitchen, then the living room, then I went upstairs and went into every room, scouting out which room I wanted to claim as mine.
When my family was all upstairs, I told them I wanted the room in the back. My dad told me that it was the master bedroom, and the parents always got the master bedroom. I didn't understand why, but I decided that they could have it if they really wanted. I then told my parents that I wanted their closet. My mom asked why, considering there were so many other rooms that were larger and nicer. I told them that I had never seen such a large closet before. They both laughed, and I did too, although I wasn't sure why.
I settled on the second largest room, despite it having the smallest closet in the house. Once I got in there, I started laying out where I wanted everything to go in my mind. I planned out where I wanted my bed and my desk and where all of my stuffed animals would go. Afterwards, I drew it all out on a piece of paper. I showed my blueprint to my mom, and she told me to slow down. She said we didn't even have all the things inside yet. I decided I would go out and help bring in my stuff. I could not believe we were actually going to live there.
I really like how hopeful and energetic this story sounds. I also love the humor when you said "although I wasn't sure why." I thought it really stood out and added to the description of the character. It started to hint towards a child's kind of way to think because of the one-sided thoughts. It looks great!
ReplyDeleteI loved your energy towards moving in. When i moved into my house, I was really, really nervous and I almost didn't want to move. You made it seem like your house was the biggest and the best house on the block.It really reminds me of how I was as a child just based on your characters description. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteThis is the beginning to a good story. I really enjoyed it and your writing allowed the reader to find out the author's (yours) age and personality without you stating it. Your use of indirect characterization through the character's actions and dialogue was great!
ReplyDeleteGreat job Leanne. I think you an exceptional descriptive story on how you felt when you moved into your new house. I really enjoyed to read your reaction to the house, and the sense of your youthfulness in your dialogue. While reading your story it almost felt like deja vu, because it’s exactly how I felt slash how I acted when my parents had bought a new house.
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